Friday, June 29, 2007


I don't know if you ever go to read the posts on Craigslist...but my friend MA introduced me today to the 'Best Of' section. I have OFFICIALLY wasted about an hour of work time reading the different posts. Check it out if you'd like to waste some time yourself. This one made me giggle. Remember...I did not write it, it is not about me, it is just some random fella that wrote this story on Craigslist. OH THE FUNNY.

I just moved into this one bedroom apartment for the incredible low price of $450 a month! I mean, it's on the third level, which sucks. It's worth it, though.

When the landlord gave me a tour he told me something along the lines of "I need to be upfront with you. The reason why the rent is so cheap is because past tenants have complained that the apartment is haunted. Before you sign the lease consider this. I'm tired of my tenants breaking their lease because they hear a couple of noises."

Whatever. As long as I can eat Cheetos in the nude while watching reruns of Seinfeld, I'm happy.

So, my first night I was sleeping, dreaming of blow jobs or something, and then I woke up to some noise. I sat up to see the pages of my Guiness Book of World Records rustling and turning. No shit.

Yeah, right, like THAT'S scary! Hahahahh. Puh-lease !

I laid back down and went to sleep. I mean, if Peter (I decided to name him Peter.) wanted to know the size of the biggest loogie in the world, that's his business. Personally, if I was a ghost I'd whisper menacing things to my ex girlfriend like: "I willll kiiiiilll youuu, cheating biiiiitch," or "Keeeeeellllyyyyyy. .. Keeeellyyyyy", or "Youuuu haaaave heeerpeees." Whatever.

Seriously, my ghost is a joke. He gurgles. What the eff? Have you ever heard of a ghost gurgling before? I'm in the kitchen, trying to melt the plastic handle of my spatula on the stove, when I hear this annoying as eff gurgling sound behind me. Wilson is not scary, he's annoying. (At this point I found it appropriate to rename him Wilson.)

Wilson sucks, but he does one cool thing. Every once in a while I'll catch a glimpse of this transparent, gruesome, bloody dude hanging from a noose in my bedroom. I know this is Wilson, which I renamed Tiberius, because he gurgles.
Yeah, he looks cool, but it sucks when I'm trying to have sex or masturbate. Tiberius is kind of a turn off, you know

Thursday, June 28, 2007


Since it must be the "in" thing to do a 'Friday Five' or 'Tuesday Twenty Two' I've come up with a Thursday Three.

These are three words that came out of akl's mouth yesterday.

1. No.
2. Nooo.

Man babies are fun.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

This one's a THRILLER

This morning I was in the car at about 6:20ish and a song came on the radio that VAGUELY reminded me of Michael Jackson's song Thriller. You would think that I would then start reminiscing in my mind about that video and all the dancing fun that happened in it. No. Thinking about Thriller reminded me of a video my friend Red introduced me to a couple of months ago. Indian Thriller. There is just something about his dancing and her running that makes me laugh hysterically. I hope you get as much enjoyment out of watching it as I did. Oh the FABULOUS dancing!!! I swear it sounds like he's saying "Girly Man!"

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


A week or so ago we bought akl a 'Junior Quad'. THIS is that Junior Quad. She hasn't really gotten the whole 'must turn the wheel so that I don't run into things, off the driveway, more then going in a circle over and over again' thing. We figure that will come soon enough. She's a BIT of a daredevil with it though. She enjoys riding standing up and standing on the seat when it's not moving. Our little Evil Knievel.