Monday, May 19, 2008

Why I don't own a gun - By Me

Today I felt a rage....a pure hatred for dislike for someone that I haven't felt in a LONG time. Note to all of you out there reading this: Just because you are old it does NOT give you the right to be a enormous D!CK.
Today I was on my way home from Gama and Gapas with PDub. We had just had lunch and were stopping to get gas when Pdub says 'POTTY MOM!!! POTTY!!!'. So I put the nozzle in the car and start doing my thing and take the smalls to the potty (which was grody btw).
So I'm walking back out to my car and this old guy, who is in disgusting old van, at the pump next to me says 'Can I tell you something?' I reply 'Sure!'. Typically when I get that comment I usually get 'You have such a pretty little girl!' ect. NOT THIS TIME.
This old piece of SH!T says to me 'It was unthoughtful of you to take your daughter to the bathroom and leave your car here.'
The rage. The rage. The rage.
So I reply something along the lines of that 'Sorry sir (that is sarcasm) but my 2 year old daughter who needs to potty is more important to me.' He says something about having kids blah blah blah. I mostly don't hear him because the blood rushing through my ears is so loud and I'm shaking so much I just want to punch him.
So I get PDub situated in her seat and close the door. I walk back over to this subspecies of human and point my mom finger at him and say 'You know what sir, you are rude. YOU ARE RUDE.' He said that he just called it like he saw it. 'No sir, YOU ARE RUDE.' I may have said something about calling it like I saw it.
Seriously....7 other pumps that he can get gas and I'm the one who is unthoughtful. Get your head out of your ass you old f*cker.
I called Jarhead after I stopped shaking from the rage and told him that it was a VERY VERY GOOD thing that his wife does not own a gun.
Anyone want to break an old mans kneecaps for me? I know you'd help me MAW. Thanks for the offer too :)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Aloha to Another Crawl!

Are we in Hawaii or at the Crawl for Cancer? Who are those HOT island babes!?!?

This was our fourth Crawl and was pretty low key overall. I remember the entire even with no 'time lost' so ya gotta figure it wasn't that crazy!!!!
We went with a Hawaiian theme (obviously) and rocked it.

This was a pretty tame year as crawls go. I do remember I stole a kick ass ashtray from some random bar's bathroom. I think there may have been some crying at this crawl - hence the 'Do not cry at the Crawl' rule. This MAY be part of the reason:

MAW (see below) and I had fun at Red's place later. Nothing sexual you freaks.

We wrestled with Coyote later that evening at Red's place. I believe there may be a video somewhere of it. If you ever fight out. He likes to give wedgies.

Back in the Crawl Saddle...again

This was the Crawl of many "Firsts".
My first Crawl after having PDub - VERY LOW ALCOHOL TOLERANCE. (Thanks Coyote for the piggy back ride later in the evening).
Luvthebearcats virgin crawl.
This was the first Crawl where they used buses to get us to other bars.
This was also the first Crawl that actual RULES came out of. And there were many.

I have ZERO pictures of this one for some reason. I believe that there may be only 1 picture in existence of the group but I'm not sure even where that picture is at. RED CAME THROUGH AND FOUND THE ONE PIC!! WOO HOO!!!

Here are a list of things that we learned from this Crawl:

1) Do not go out in Westport the Friday night before the Crawl and stay up until who knows when and expect to be functioning and drinkable the next day. It just doesn't work - well unless you are an alcoholic.
2) If there is a bus taking you from one bar to another bar...TAKE IT. Do not think 'Oh that's right down the street we'll just walk!'. It will take you a half hour to get there and you'll get bitchy cause your feet hurt. You do learn some interesting things on the trip tho. MAW and I learned that Luvthebearcats is 'Kind of a gangsta' during that walk.
3) Tho you may still have 'baby weight' on you DO NOT wear ill fitting pants. It's not fun for ANYONE to see your undies all the time.
4) Do not go anywhere alone!!! Text message to my phone from Red: 'I'm outside! Where are you?' A few minutes later "I'm inside now! I can't find anyone! Where are you?' Minutes later 'I'M BACK OUTSIDE WHERE ARE YOU??'. There may have been some crying on the sidewalk involved but we all finally found each other. BUDDY SYSTEM.
5) Do not write your number on random peoples shirts MAW.
6) There is a step when you walk into America's Pub. It's always been there. It's not new. Feel free to yell at the bouncer when you trip over it tho.

There are a lot of 'lost time' in this crawl for that's really all I've got!!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Crawl Made Me Blue

Ahh...the infamous 'Blue Shirt Crawl'. This was the second crawl we did and it ended up being mostly a ladies crawl. We did have 2 big guy anchors and that helped us out.

This was the first year that we used our shirt as canvases for the fun and frivolity that happens at the crawl. A handful of us stayed down at the Holiday Inn so we ended up being out ALL NIGHT LONG. LynC and I were doing the monkey have to remember what that is right?....and we tripped and stumbled I think (it's a little fuzzy). The door man to the bar we were going to saw the event and WOULDN'T LET HER IN. Look at this pic....she and Red look sober!

Insert song lyrics here: 'Everybody was kung foo fighting!!!'

Miss MAW was FEISTY at this crawl. She remembered that she almost got into it with some dumb b$%ch in the bathroom of Johnny Dare's bar - that is no longer there. She looks completely innocent doesn't she?
Later on that evening Miss MAW decided that it was a GOOD IDEA to walk home FROM WESTPORT to her apartment. Her apartment wasn't THAT far away...but the rule was stated from that crawl on out - NO WALKING HOME BY YOURSELF.

I do have to make mention of the event that made this crawl INFAMOUS for me. That would be the 'Gyro Incident'.

At the end of the night LynC, Red and I needed some food in our belly. Look...there is a van in the street that makes Gyros...THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.

So the three of us purchase our gyros and start to head back to the hotel room. LynC is walking in front of us and all of a sudden she is HORIZONTAL on the pavement ....gyro goody goodness scattered everywhere. Some randoms helped her up and the three of us could N O T stop laughing. I wish that I could take that memory from my brain and replay in for everyone else to see. I do recall that more then the falling....LynC was BENT about losing the insides of her gyro. GOOD STUFF.