UPSP Not for Me

We live on a nice quiet little cul-de-sac - except for the old lady across the circle that has G O T to quit smoking. Good yard upkeep, pretty landscaping, A+ neighbors.
Two or three houses down there is a mailbox that the owners have planted a vine that has wound all the way up the post and hangs around the box. Pretty little plant that has purple flowers on it. I was driving by it earlier this week and had a thought:

I wonder if there is a 'prerequisite' for becoming a mail person that requires you to NOT be afraid of bees, wasps and other stinging insects that pollinate flowers that are planted around mailboxes?

I would fail that miserably. PHOBIC? MUCH?

Neither snow nor rain nor dark of night - but bees and wasps I'll run with fright!!

Why I don't own a gun - By Me

Today I felt a rage....a pure hatred for dislike for someone that I haven't felt in a LONG time. Note to all of you out there reading this: Just because you are old it does NOT give you the right to be a enormous D!CK.
Today I was on my way home from Gama and Gapas with PDub. We had just had lunch and were stopping to get gas when Pdub says 'POTTY MOM!!! POTTY!!!'. So I put the nozzle in the car and start doing my thing and take the smalls to the potty (which was grody btw).
So I'm walking back out to my car and this old guy, who is in disgusting old van, at the pump next to me says 'Can I tell you something?' I reply 'Sure!'. Typically when I get that comment I usually get 'You have such a pretty little girl!' ect. NOT THIS TIME.
This old piece of SH!T says to me 'It was unthoughtful of you to take your daughter to the bathroom and leave your car here.'
The rage. The rage. The rage.
So I reply something along the lines of that 'Sorry sir (that is sarcasm) but my 2 year old daughter who needs to potty is more important to me.' He says something about having kids blah blah blah. I mostly don't hear him because the blood rushing through my ears is so loud and I'm shaking so much I just want to punch him.
So I get PDub situated in her seat and close the door. I walk back over to this subspecies of human and point my mom finger at him and say 'You know what sir, you are rude. YOU ARE RUDE.' He said that he just called it like he saw it. 'No sir, YOU ARE RUDE.' I may have said something about calling it like I saw it.
Seriously....7 other pumps that he can get gas and I'm the one who is unthoughtful. Get your head out of your ass you old f*cker.
I called Jarhead after I stopped shaking from the rage and told him that it was a VERY VERY GOOD thing that his wife does not own a gun.
Anyone want to break an old mans kneecaps for me? I know you'd help me MAW. Thanks for the offer too :)

Aloha to Another Crawl!

Are we in Hawaii or at the Crawl for Cancer? Who are those HOT island babes!?!?

This was our fourth Crawl and was pretty low key overall. I remember the entire even with no 'time lost' so ya gotta figure it wasn't that crazy!!!!
We went with a Hawaiian theme (obviously) and rocked it.


This was a pretty tame year as crawls go. I do remember I stole a kick ass ashtray from some random bar's bathroom. I think there may have been some crying at this crawl - hence the 'Do not cry at the Crawl' rule. This MAY be part of the reason:

MAW (see below) and I had fun at Red's place later. Nothing sexual you freaks.

We wrestled with Coyote later that evening at Red's place. I believe there may be a video somewhere of it. If you ever fight him...watch out. He likes to give wedgies.

Back in the Crawl Saddle...again

This was the Crawl of many "Firsts".
My first Crawl after having PDub - VERY LOW ALCOHOL TOLERANCE. (Thanks Coyote for the piggy back ride later in the evening).
Luvthebearcats virgin crawl.
This was the first Crawl where they used buses to get us to other bars.
This was also the first Crawl that actual RULES came out of. And there were many.


I have ZERO pictures of this one for some reason. I believe that there may be only 1 picture in existence of the group but I'm not sure even where that picture is at. RED CAME THROUGH AND FOUND THE ONE PIC!! WOO HOO!!!



Here are a list of things that we learned from this Crawl:

1) Do not go out in Westport the Friday night before the Crawl and stay up until who knows when and expect to be functioning and drinkable the next day. It just doesn't work - well unless you are an alcoholic.
2) If there is a bus taking you from one bar to another bar...TAKE IT. Do not think 'Oh that's right down the street we'll just walk!'. It will take you a half hour to get there and you'll get bitchy cause your feet hurt. You do learn some interesting things on the trip tho. MAW and I learned that Luvthebearcats is 'Kind of a gangsta' during that walk.
3) Tho you may still have 'baby weight' on you DO NOT wear ill fitting pants. It's not fun for ANYONE to see your undies all the time.
4) Do not go anywhere alone!!! Text message to my phone from Red: 'I'm outside! Where are you?' A few minutes later "I'm inside now! I can't find anyone! Where are you?' Minutes later 'I'M BACK OUTSIDE WHERE ARE YOU??'. There may have been some crying on the sidewalk involved but we all finally found each other. BUDDY SYSTEM.
5) Do not write your number on random peoples shirts MAW.
6) There is a step when you walk into America's Pub. It's always been there. It's not new. Feel free to yell at the bouncer when you trip over it tho.

There are a lot of 'lost time' in this crawl for me...so that's really all I've got!!!

The Crawl Made Me Blue

Ahh...the infamous 'Blue Shirt Crawl'. This was the second crawl we did and it ended up being mostly a ladies crawl. We did have 2 big guy anchors and that helped us out.

This was the first year that we used our shirt as canvases for the fun and frivolity that happens at the crawl. A handful of us stayed down at the Holiday Inn so we ended up being out ALL NIGHT LONG. LynC and I were doing the monkey walk...you have to remember what that is right?....and we tripped and stumbled I think (it's a little fuzzy). The door man to the bar we were going to saw the event and WOULDN'T LET HER IN. Look at this pic....she and Red look sober!

Insert song lyrics here: 'Everybody was kung foo fighting!!!'

Miss MAW was FEISTY at this crawl. She remembered that she almost got into it with some dumb b$%ch in the bathroom of Johnny Dare's bar - that is no longer there. She looks completely innocent doesn't she?

Later on that evening Miss MAW decided that it was a GOOD IDEA to walk home FROM WESTPORT to her apartment. Her apartment wasn't THAT far away...but the rule was stated from that crawl on out - NO WALKING HOME BY YOURSELF.

I do have to make mention of the event that made this crawl INFAMOUS for me. That would be the 'Gyro Incident'.

At the end of the night LynC, Red and I needed some food in our belly. Look...there is a van in the street that makes Gyros...THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.

So the three of us purchase our gyros and start to head back to the hotel room. LynC is walking in front of us and all of a sudden she is HORIZONTAL on the pavement ....gyro goody goodness scattered everywhere. Some randoms helped her up and the three of us could N O T stop laughing. I wish that I could take that memory from my brain and replay in for everyone else to see. I do recall that more then the falling....LynC was BENT about losing the insides of her gyro. GOOD STUFF.

It's CRAWL Season

The Crawl for Cancer in Kansas City is like Christmas for many of us seasoned crawlers. It is much like a coveted gift that you can't wait to open...and maybe throw up all over.

The upcoming spring Crawl will be MA's and my 6th time participating and there have been some awesome crawls through the years. I thought this might be a good time to reflect on past Crawls and remember the good times, and the not so good (keep the sharpies out of NR's hands!). Over the next few weeks I'll continue to post pictures and stories of the our Crawls through the years - so check back!

Our first crawl, when we were all still virgins, was May of 2004.

We had a pretty good team that year tho it was kind of random.

This may have been one of the most low-key crawls that we have ever done.

It was pretty nice that day so we ended up out at the sand volleyball courts at the Beach Club. Look at our baby faces!

These were the days before they bused you to different bars and the bars weren't insanely packed with crawlers.

I do remember that at the end of the day we were hanging out at the Beaumont - more free beer! There was a random band playing and I was 100% certain that because they were singing a Big Head Todd song that they WERE Big Head Todd. Alas...they were not.

It was a good virgin Crawl - low key but still hella fun!

I wanna be the DOG WHISPERER!

Tonight PDub and I decided we wanted to go get some "I Ceam!" and we were out the door..custard custard here I come! We got down to the end of our road and I noticed a dog that was running around with no mom or dad with it. I noticed the dog because she was STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. I stopped and looked around to make sure that her family hadn't just accidentally let her outside and were coming to get her. Since I didn't see her humans my head went into 'MUST SAVE THIS DOG AND FIND IT'S HOME!'
I pulled over and she was very interested in my vehicle. I opened up the door and called her over and she was MORE then happy to want to get it. I grabbed her collar and took her to the back of the Envoy and told her to jump in and she went right in.
I drove back home (sadly i ceam had to go on hold) and went to get PDub out of the car and the dog so that I could call the number on her tags and let her humans know that I had her (like I would want someone to do for my cats or any future dogs I own).
When I opened the back door I was not thinking. OUT SHE GOES. GREAT! I saved her from the road but now she's running ALL OVER our cul de sac and I'm outside running around chasing her carrying a 2 year old who's wearing Dora PJ's.
The hub comes outside when he sees me out the window running around chasing a dog and yells 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?'
I yell back that this dog has tags so I need to grab her again so I can call her family. I do the 2 second hand off and give PDub to Dad so that I can run around (in my flip flops) and chase this dog. She hightails it behind our neighbors houses and goes a couple houses down. I yell for her to come and she takes off like a bolt of lighting at me. I see this as my chance to grab her....NOPE. She shoots right by me. BUT she does run back up to where the hubs is at and he gets a chance and grabs her collar.
So we make the call to the pups grandma who says she will be right over. Pdub really enjoyed the puppy being there while dad held her. You could tell she really wanted to pet her but she just couldn't work up the strength. Who knew that during the maybe 10 minutes of us having this dog that PDub fell in love with her.
Grandma came and chatted a little bit about the pup - Nikita gets out all the time, always getting calls from people that they found her or the pound, has a granddaughter who is autistic and the dog is a godsend. Very Very nice lady. Even complimented the toot's eyes and eye lashes (but we know how cute she is). She thanked us many many times and finally went on her way so we had to say goodbye to the pretty pup (she is a white Siberian husky with blue eyes SO PRETTY!).
This is where things get dicey. Pdub likes the puppy. She in NOOOOOO way wants to say goodbye to the puppy. 'NOOOOOO!!! NOOO BYE BYE PUPPY!!!' Grandma apologizes profusely that by her taking her grand-dog that she is making my child cry. She felt very very bad...but hey- Pdub is 2 and wants what she wants, and she wanted that puppy!!!
It probably took her 10-15 minutes to calm down about the puppy. Had to sit in time out for a while because of the fit that was being thrown. Once she was calm we went to get I Ceam and on the way back I still got a couple very sad 'Mommy....puppy!!!!' I had to keep telling her that the puppy needed to go to his mommy and daddy. I finally got a 'Mommy...Daddy...puppy!'

The moral of this story is : PDub wants a puppy (to look at...maybe pet...maybe not)!