Basement Space Needed

I have one of these in my basement

I'm talking about the television, not the hockey player. That would be funnier though. Let's pretend it's the hockey player.
It has been sitting in my basement since September waiting for it's new owners to take it home. What's the bet that the new owners actually get to take it this weekend? LET'S HOPE SO! STAY AWAY RAIN!!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

FED EX VS. UPS - BATTLE TO THE DEATH!

Crawl for Cancer or BEER CITY

At least once a year we get a team together to do the Crawl for Cancer. It's sort of an excuse to drink your ASS off for a GREAT cause. Who knows what will happen or what people come up with that day!

AHHH that beer was SO good. Look at how happy luvthebearcats is to get hers!!!

FYI - luvthebearcats is kind of a gangsta.

This is Jarhead and Nell (tay nay nay in da wiiiiin).

Thank you Nell for trying to color in the my tattoo but instead drawing ALL OVER the bottom of my back with a sharpie.

The last real statement I remember Nell making that night was in a VERY VERY sad small voice "But I wanted to go to the Beaumont'. Two minutes later her head was hitting the window.

The gals hovering around J in the middle were all over the place! By all over the place, I mean that when we ran in to some random 5-O walking back from our last bar and they made a comment about why we weren't crawling if we were doing a crawl, they decided to do just that. All along the sidewalk. (FYI I do not recall this story - to bad - but it's still way funny!)

This is a pic including the 2 youngun's of the group. Lil L and Toph hung like champs tho!

I believe this is my favorite pic of the Crawl this fall. You girls are ROCK STARS!!!!

CHALLLAAAA!

If my blog was a celebrity there would be pictures flying around like this:

I'm going to be upfront about it though.

There is no reason I should just not come right out and say it.

"I've had some work done." THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY!!!

Thanks so much to my doc green3 for making my blog look so much better!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Who's that hottie with the green hair?

Odd...

Today, at lunch, I was driving to the grocery store. I saw what I felt at the time was something quite odd. There was a man sitting in a cemetery much like this one - just less scary.

I see this man sitting by a tombstone, using it like a chair. Much like this elephant is.

He was just sitting there, leaning back against some random person's tombstone talking on his cell phone. What? Seriously? There were trees you could have leaned against. I saw them with my own eyes. What a douche!

Wordless Wednesday

Beerkats Rule!

Wordless Wednesday

Brought to you by Momser, Red & Paulie Walnuts :)

Bendy

I shall let this picture speak for itself.
Let's thank the gods that it's slightly out of focus.

Friday Four

These are 4 things that I hope happen today:

1. PDub's fever stops shooting up to 102.5 or 103.2 randomly.

2. PDub throat gunk goes away.

3. PDub doesn't wake up over night. If this happens I will also not have to sleep with her in my bed or in the spare.

4. I get sleep.

I miss sleep. It's a really good friend of mine. We hang out, play canasta, make memories. Sleep, come visit me again.

Look at how awake, exciting and not drunk these people look! And it was taken at like 2:30 in the morning!

There would be one more person in this photo but poor Easy E was already passed out on the couch.

Get your camera's with self timers out and start taking group pictures of you and your friends like this at parties. CLASSIC!

My friend Rose

All I have to say is Tequila Rose is a

GREAT friend of mine. You should totally

hang out with her. Seriously.

Front Page Baby!!!

So I, being not sportsy at all, rarely even think about looking at the sports section of the Kansas City Star. Today, while I was in our break room fixing my breakfast I decided to have a peek since it was laying on top of the rest of the paper. Oh to my delight and surprise!! My boys, the Bearcats, were right there on the front page. SURE it was at the bottom, but front page is front page baby. They were dedicating the revamped football field last night to the best coach ever, Mel Tjeerdsma (you say it like Church-ma). Check out the story and see how the CATS won 21-0.

B E A R C A T S ...BEARCATS, BEARCATS....GOOOOOOO BEARCATS!!!!

Sniffle Sniffle

I feel really, REALLY bad for luvthebearcats. Not ONLY does she (look away if you must) have to go back to WORK (GAAAASSSPPP!!!!!) tomorrow but she also turns THIRTY FIVE!!! Who wants to be 35. I mean look at that number. It's not exciting at all. The 3 is all round and chubby looking and the 5....I mean COME ON...Walk like an Egyptian was so 20 years ago. 34 is a great number. The 4 is all pointy and anyone who is anyone knows that pointy shit rules.

Shocking!

Me: OH here’s a tid bit o info…not that u’ll know him (I don’t even remember him) but nells was telling me that a kid that was in the grade below us came to their 10 year reunion last weekend (people in her book club are that age) and he was no longer Buster…he was Bethany. WOW.

MA: WTF?! Not that this should be the most shocking part of the story, but was his name really Buster originally?


Oh MA!! Ya make me laugh!!!

The joy of IM

My friend Red and her beau, who we shall call Cih-ho-te, had this conversation over instant messenger today. Had this convo happened in person it probably wouldn't have ended quite as funny as it does.
It's kind of long...but totally worth it in the end! Thank you Red and Cih-Ho-Te for giving me something to blog about today.

RED says:
I just walked out into the hallway to get a file and the copier salesman was out there.
RED says:
He said, "Wow! I love your shirt!"
RED says:
"Pink is my favorite color!"
RED says:
Huge guy. Gruff voice. Not gay sounding.

CIH-HO-TE says:
Mine too!

RED says:
So, I kind of giggled at him and when I walked past him again he said, "Please don't get me in trouble. I didn’t mean anything by that..."
RED says:
WTF????

CIH-HO-TE says:
No kidding isn't that some type of harassment?

RED says:
What?
RED says:
Are you kidding?

CIH-HO-TE says:
Ok so why would someone say that if they didn't mean anything by that
CIH-HO-TE says:
No I'm not kidding that has to be sometype of harassment at your job
CIH-HO-TE says:
That doesn't make sense
CIH-HO-TE says:
Have you saw him there before
CIH-HO-TE says:
?
CIH-HO-TE just sent you a nudge.

RED says:
He doesn't work for the hospital. I've seen him before, but I've never talked to him.
RED says:
I didn't know what to say so I just laughed and told him that I wouldn't tell anyone that pink was his favorite color.
RED says:
Then after I got back to my office I realized how weird it was.
RED says:
I don't think it's harassment to tell someone that you like their clothes. I just think it's bizarre.

CIH-HO-TE says:
That is wierd

RED says:
I'm not even showing cleavage today!

CIH-HO-TE says:
But he said he liked your shit! Then backed off and changed it to a pink shirt
CIH-HO-TE says:
Hmmmmmm?

RED says:
Ummm. I have a pink shirt on.

CIH-HO-TE says:
I'm just saying I was born at night but if I told someone I like their shit I am either a sick freak or I want to get into her pants

RED says:
I think you need to re-read what I told you he said.
RED says:
He said he liked my PINK SHIRT!

CIH-HO-TE says:
Oh I thought it was shit not shirt
CIH-HO-TE says:
Ooops

RED says:
My shit is pretty fabulous, though.

Friggin Fun Friday

Yes, I know. Another 'Thriller' video. I just can't help myself! I must insist that you watch and laugh your ass off. I completely agree with my friend Red, who somehow found this on youtube, the tranny IS the best part of the video. I really wish I knew if these fellas had to audition for their parts - maybe wikipedia knows! ENJOY!

Mr. and Mrs. Jarhead meme

So good ole luvthebearcats tagged me to do a meme. Look at her go in all of her crazy bloggin knowledge and ways. This is 8 things that are about Jarhead and me.

1. We met in a bar in Maryville, Missouri named Molly's.

2. I invited him over to an after party at my pad and when my friend Berta showed up she she walked in, saw him, and went the other way. She was a waitress at Molly's and he had annoyed the HELL out of her that night.

3. We have been married for 3 years. Dated before that for 5.

4. He enjoys recanting how he got to stay at my place the first night we met. There was a game of darts, a bet, and a 'Oops, forgot to mention that I was in a dart league when I was in the Marines'. He didn't get any so I really won in the end.

5. He forced me, 'Hippy Tree Hugger', to go hunting with him when we first started dating. I did not enjoy seeing a cute little bambi being taken out. I did enjoy looking at all the insides though. He likes to tell that story too. 'She didn't like seeing it die but then she wants me to cut open the stomach so we can see what it ate'.

6. At the end of our wedding day Mr. Jarhead almost got into a fight with a guy who was a REAL winner. The only reason he didn't get into said fight was that while they were walking UP the stairs luvthebearcats jumped on his back to keep the fight from happening. Man she's good.

7. I got into a bad car accident last year with our (at the time) 10 week old akl. They closed the road to traffic because of it. Mr. JH gets up to where the Lotawanna 5-0 is sitting and tells him that his wife and child were in the car accident and he needs to get by. L 5-0 says no way sir - if you go I will arrest you. Mr. JH doesn't care what the coppa says and starts to drive down the road. I BELIEVE L 5-0 starts yelling and pulling his weapon (really...your weapon? go back to hick town brotha). That's about the time my ambulance driver calls him to let him know where they are taking me and akl. The law was takin him down!!


8. We are ALSO sexy bitches.

Locks I Loved

Last weekend I did something that I have been looking forward to doing for about 5 years now. What is that you ask? Go on an exotic vacation? Buy a new house? Get a dog? Negative. Those sound nice buy what I did was WAY...I mean WAAAAAAAAY more exciting.
I've been growing my hair out for those 5 years. My goal was to get it as long as I could. I'm talking Crystal Gale here. This is what my hair looked like before last weekend.



I have been itching for something new to do with this long ass hair for some time now. I decided that IF i was going to do something I'd go all the way. Cut it ALL off. I decided it was time to give my hair to Locks of Love. LOL takes a minimum of 10 INCHES (yes that's almost a foot!) Here is what my hair looks like now - MINUS 10 inches. Oh and just enjoy the added cuteness of akl :)


WOW someone needs eye makeup on..and it's NOT the baby.

Hey, Hey - You, You - I wanna be your girlfriend!

So this weekend (had akl realized it) she may have found her first boyfriend. It looks like she takes after her mother - she attracts older men.

Big J, as we shall call him, was 3 going on 4. Just to be clear there was no holding hands, making out, googly eyeing each other - akl didn't really catch the 'love' vibe being thrown her way.

Her little BF did carry her little pint sized chair around from the front of the house to the back so that they could sit next to each other. 'I got nother hand' he says and grabs her chair. He's all nonchalant about it. He didn't take her chair because he 'liked' her is was just because he had a free hand. Oh boys and the games they play.

Then as the fireworks exploded - these were real, not any implied fireworks between the children - he needed to move his chair as close as humanly possible to hers. She of course played coy and kept getting up to wander around and point at things. She knows how the play 'the game' too.

I would take a fair bet that Jarhead is already worried :)

Ghooooost

I don't know if you ever go to read the posts on Craigslist...but my friend MA introduced me today to the 'Best Of' section. I have OFFICIALLY wasted about an hour of work time reading the different posts. Check it out if you'd like to waste some time yourself. This one made me giggle. Remember...I did not write it, it is not about me, it is just some random fella that wrote this story on Craigslist. OH THE FUNNY.



I just moved into this one bedroom apartment for the incredible low price of $450 a month! I mean, it's on the third level, which sucks. It's worth it, though.

When the landlord gave me a tour he told me something along the lines of "I need to be upfront with you. The reason why the rent is so cheap is because past tenants have complained that the apartment is haunted. Before you sign the lease consider this. I'm tired of my tenants breaking their lease because they hear a couple of noises."

Whatever. As long as I can eat Cheetos in the nude while watching reruns of Seinfeld, I'm happy.

So, my first night I was sleeping, dreaming of blow jobs or something, and then I woke up to some noise. I sat up to see the pages of my Guiness Book of World Records rustling and turning. No shit.

Yeah, right, like THAT'S scary! Hahahahh. Puh-lease !

I laid back down and went to sleep. I mean, if Peter (I decided to name him Peter.) wanted to know the size of the biggest loogie in the world, that's his business. Personally, if I was a ghost I'd whisper menacing things to my ex girlfriend like: "I willll kiiiiilll youuu, cheating biiiiitch," or "Keeeeeellllyyyyyy. .. Keeeellyyyyy", or "Youuuu haaaave heeerpeees." Whatever.

Seriously, my ghost is a joke. He gurgles. What the eff? Have you ever heard of a ghost gurgling before? I'm in the kitchen, trying to melt the plastic handle of my spatula on the stove, when I hear this annoying as eff gurgling sound behind me. Wilson is not scary, he's annoying. (At this point I found it appropriate to rename him Wilson.)

Wilson sucks, but he does one cool thing. Every once in a while I'll catch a glimpse of this transparent, gruesome, bloody dude hanging from a noose in my bedroom. I know this is Wilson, which I renamed Tiberius, because he gurgles.
Yeah, he looks cool, but it sucks when I'm trying to have sex or masturbate. Tiberius is kind of a turn off, you know

Fine

Since it must be the "in" thing to do a 'Friday Five' or 'Tuesday Twenty Two' I've come up with a Thursday Three.

These are three words that came out of akl's mouth yesterday.

1. No.
2. Nooo.
3. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Man babies are fun.

This one's a THRILLER

This morning I was in the car at about 6:20ish and a song came on the radio that VAGUELY reminded me of Michael Jackson's song Thriller. You would think that I would then start reminiscing in my mind about that video and all the dancing fun that happened in it. No. Thinking about Thriller reminded me of a video my friend Red introduced me to a couple of months ago. Indian Thriller. There is just something about his dancing and her running that makes me laugh hysterically. I hope you get as much enjoyment out of watching it as I did. Oh the FABULOUS dancing!!! I swear it sounds like he's saying "Girly Man!"

FAST!

A week or so ago we bought akl a 'Junior Quad'. THIS is that Junior Quad. She hasn't really gotten the whole 'must turn the wheel so that I don't run into things, off the driveway, more then going in a circle over and over again' thing. We figure that will come soon enough. She's a BIT of a daredevil with it though. She enjoys riding standing up and standing on the seat when it's not moving. Our little Evil Knievel.

Is that a box on your head?

You take your 'normal' sized dog to the vet with an 'ouchie'. To keep him from biting at said 'ouchie' your vet will probably give you the Elizabethan Collar like the following picture depicts:



When your dog is a 'large' breed dog maybe your vet doesn't have a Elizabethan Collar big enough for his big ole 34" neck. Maybe your vet will get creative to find something to go around that big ole neck. Maybe your vet will come up with something like this:



Poor guy!
Side note: this is not my dog. But it is a friend of my sister in law's dog. It is not some cruel sick joke to rid a large dog of his peripheral vision.

You a Pothead, Focker?

First time mama drama

Yet again on this trip called motherhood, I am to the point where AKL and I are at a stalemate.

Example: AKL wants to draw with a pen on some paper. I let her. When AKL starts drawing everywhere with said pen I take the pen away as I do not want pen everywhere. I know the easy answer is 'don't give her the pen in the first place' but the same situation would also happen with a crayon, pencil, marker, quill. What happens post 'take the pen away' is what I like to call 'a dramatic interpretation of a crazy baby'. We throw ourselves back, we cry and scream, we WANT THE PEN BACK YOU STUPID CRACK!!!!!

This happens anytime something happens to AKL that she does not agree with. In her little head she says "Do I want my diaper changed right now? NO. So I shall scream and try to get away!!! HA HA HA HA!!!" I know, she's 15 months, she doesn't know that many words but you get the jist of what I am saying.

So any of you seasoned mothers out there with the knowledge of what to do during the 'tantrum stage' (shit I hope it's just a stage) please give me any words of wisdom :)

5 Questions

Since luvthebearcats was throwin down with the 5 questions post I had to step up and do it. No one has ever called me a chicken. Some might call me a 'quiet talker', some might call me a 'drunk' but never a chicken. So here goes!

1. If you could meet anyone in the world (dead or alive), who would it be?
Man this is a hard one!!!! There are just so many possibilities. Do you go with the hot celebrity just because you can? Do you go with the 'smart' answer and say a world leader? Or do you go the 'dead' route and pick the person who you think would have made a huge difference in this world if he was still alive? I just don't know. Since I don't know I will say Chuck Norris. He best not roundhouse kick me to the head though.


2. What is your dream job?
There are 2 separate things that I would love to be able to do with my life at the moment. One of these things is very tree huggery but hell that is who I am. First I would LOVE to be able to be home with my daughter more. Am I a stay at home full time mom? No. I know I would go crazy without having ample adult human contact. I would absolutely love to be a 'Part Time stay at home mother' though. With the other half of my time, now here's the tree hugger in me, I would love to work at/volunteer for a no kill animal shelter or other animal related not for profit. I know I'd be all sad if the dogs/cats didn't get adopted...but hell at least the lil dudes wouldn't get put to sleep.


3. What is your favorite childhood memory?
I think one of my favorite childhood memories is when the man god and most awesome singer in the world Jack Wagner came and did a concert at Worlds of Fun. 'Frisco' was a HOTTIE back in the day and good ole luvthebearcats and I were all about him. Sure mine was a young love, as I was probably like 6 or 7 when he came, but that didn't mean it wasn't pure. Luvthebearcats had all of his tapes and we would listen to them over and over again. Hell I could probably still sing each and every word to you. I did have the added bonus of being so small that I couldn't see him so I sat on my fathers shoulders to watch. You know he saw me....you know it.


4. If you could change your name, what would you change it to and why?
If I could change my name to anything it would be Anastasia. BUT you would need to pronounce it 'An-A-Sta-Se-A'. I would also wear frilly dresses and carry a parasol. Twirl Twirl Twirl.


5. If you won the lottery today, what would you do tomorrow?
I'd quit my job. That was easy!!!

The hyper hypo kid

This could...quite possibly....be the best SNL skit ever. I ran across it on YouTube so I decided to share the joy. Don't pee from laughing when you are watching it. If you do please see my first post and follow the instructions given.

Crooked Aunt

(Sung to the tune of 'There was a crooked man')

There was a crooked aunt, who had a crooked 'style'
And when she had her picture taken, she had a crooked smile.

Screams of TERROR

Sometimes I really wonder what goes on in the mind of an almost 15 month old. OK, most times I wonder what goes on in the mind of my darling little almost 15 month old.
This weekend I was hosting a girls night at my house. Since the ladies were coming over I wanted to clean the house up so they didn't see the PIT that it had become. 3 cats, a baby, working all day and an hour and 15 minute commute (including taking AKL to the sitter) each way kinda slows down the whole 'keep the house clean process', but back to my darling girl.
I had the door propped open in the kitchen so that AKL could easily walk outside and jack around on our deck. YES we have a gate, have it blocked off so she can't fall - she'd need to be superbaby and have the ability to fly to get off that thing. I'm working on cleaning up the kitchen and AKL is just wandering inside, back outside on the deck, back inside. Well on one of her trips she walked in, walked over towards me, and screams a blood curdling scream. Seriously a 'someone is digging my kidney out with a spoon and taking my teddy bear to boot' scream. I of course flip around and look over at her thinking she's broken a bone, or any other horrible thing, and she just smiles :) So then that must have been WAY to fun because she proceeded to walk outside, scream for her very existence, walk back inside and repeat said process over and over again.
So tell me, what EXACTLY goes on in that little head to think that it's way to exciting to scream such a loud and 'someone is killing a baby' scream? I wondered what the neighbors would think. We don't kill babies!!

No Pinch!!!!

Virgin

WOW!!! This is my first time and I'm really nervous!!! I hope that blogging is everything I've always wished it would be. Is it supposed to hurt? I finally bucked up and decided I needed a blog since Nek & Eak's mom has one and so does the good old DH. Yes, I am 'connected' as I do have a myspace page, but I mostly like to post funny comments on other peoples pages over actually blogging on that thing. I'm a myspace blogsnob. So i've decided to start this thing out right with a HILARIOUS commercial. You MUST watch it. LAUGH but don't pee. If you do pee stand up and scream "DID ANY OF YOU SEE THAT GUY THAT JUST RAN BY AND THREW WATER AT MY CROTCH!?!?!"